I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
