You don't have asthma, your pregnant
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
