I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
