this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
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I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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