Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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