ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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