i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i out mim tonsoeep
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