STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize