so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
