So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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