my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize