but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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