Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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