why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED