Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.