I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I could tell my life story through kermit memes