Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.