I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law