I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.