I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In theory, it seemed like it would work.