All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
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If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something