This dress was meant to end up on your floor
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize