maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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