can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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