Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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