I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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