I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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