Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dating After Heartbreak
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.