Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.

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(480): View more from Arizona

so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.

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(509): View more from Washington

why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?

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(317): View more from Indiana

I got her a Nickelback box set.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(914): View more from New York

Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

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(319): View more from Iowa

WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER

(1-319): View more from Iowa

THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL

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(317): View more from Indiana

It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.

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