Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.