best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
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