I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You made out with two different species that night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool