When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!