plz talk dirty to me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?