dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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