I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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