are you still at the devil's house?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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