I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin