I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs