Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
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And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.