Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.