You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you win again, gameday.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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