Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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