I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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