You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
