You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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