Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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