my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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