How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We need to rekindle our bromance
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
