i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
