I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
