taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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