Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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