Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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