There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka