and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"