just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.