you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?