smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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