i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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