yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
