she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
