You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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