I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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