For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
