Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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