He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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