I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
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My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Bring me that man meat
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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