whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The uberlube is also flammable
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
