I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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